Another Reason to Hate the J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets

So what just happened? We had to root for Mangina and the Jets? What a bizarre season...we all know the obvious set of facts. The Pats tried to bounce back from the biggest upset in Super Bowl history and it didn't look pretty from the start. Brady going down Week 1 against the lowly Chiefs was not a good sign. Obviously Brady was a biggie considering he, well, only won 3 Super Bowls and his backup, Matt Cassel hadn't started a game since high school.

But I digress...the Pats suffered through some other major setbacks such as Maroney not remembering how to run then being placed on IR, Rodney Harrison, Adalius Thomas, Tedy Brushi, Richard Seymour, Lamont Jordan and the list goes on and on. With all that the Pats also had one of the worst secondaries in the NFL yet they somehow managed to win 11 games (yes I know we beat 0 good teams). Then it came down to rooting for the Jets to actually pull out a win at home against the Dolphins. Grandpa Favre really earned his money tonight. Dishing out three picks and just really shitting the bed down the stretch. The Jets ended the season losing 4 of 5 to the likes of Denver, SF and Seattle!?!? Yeah that's the team we were rooting for tonight.

On top of that it's almost impossible to root for Favre this season. I swallowed my own vomit every time I had to listen to Tony Kornheiser give Favre a reach around on TV. "This guy brings an identity to this team, he's a gun slinger, a real gambler and he's going to improve this team...and I want him inside me." Listen Kornheiser, take your fuckin' bullshit elsewhere. I'm so sick of having to listen to him. What big shot at ESPN thought he was the guy to help with MNF ratings?

Anyways, I started looking at NFL Mock Drafts now that the Pats will not be heading to the playoffs and in all honesty we really could use some help. Who knows what Belichick is gonna do. He's the master of trading down in the first round to compile extra picks and future first rounders but this team needs some serious help in the secondary, offensive line, running back and QB since Cassel is probably gone. Kevin O'Connell anyone?

'American Taliban' Pleads for Mercy

The parents of American-born Taliban fighter John Walker Lindh today pleaded with President George W. Bush to set their son free before he leaves office next month.

Here's my favorite part of the article:

At a news conference in San Francisco, Lindh's mother Marilyn Walker asked the president to show mercy during the Christmas season by commuting her son's sentence.

"John made a mistake in joining the Taliban," she said.

Now that's just too funny. Joining the Taliban isn't an excusable mistake. The dude was actually a fighting member of the Taliban!?!? It's not like he was walking around campus wearing a Che shirt talking about how great Socialism is...he actually fought against the US as a member of the Taliban.

What are you Looking at Dicknose?

We all laughed and made jokes earlier this year when Chad Johnson was allegedly trying to change his name to "Ocho Cinco," but Tampa Bay DE Greg White is taking things to the next level.

White doesn't think Greg is such a memorable name so he's going with Stylez G. White. Why you ask?

"You can always remember Stylez White," White said. "Greg White, nobody knows Greg White."

So what inspired this name change Greg?

White is taking his new name from Jerry Levine's character in Teen Wolf named Rupert “Stiles” Stilinski (pictured above), who is Scott Howard’s (Michael J. Fox) best friend.

White has just 3.5 sacks this season and has yet to force a fumble. Not sure the name change will increase the sack totals but it should do wonders for the What are you Looking at Dicknose shirts.

Where's the Love for Perk?

Recently the national and local media has been showering Rajon Rondo with praise and while Rondo is deserving the media is a little late to the party. ESPN is even getting rid of the Big Three title for the Celts and is starting to call them the Fantastic Four, after Rondo led the Celtics to a 100-91 victory over the Utah Jazz. (By the way Gold Medalist Michael Phelps was in the house with Jared from Subway which seals the deal of Phelps' douchebaggery). Well where does that leave our favorite scowling and fouling machine, Kendrick Perkins?

Perk recently turned 24 earlier this season and he has come a long way from his rookie year. While I don't think Perk will make the All-Star team (I do think KG, Pierce, Allen and Rondo will and should) I think the media is seriously underestimating his contribution to the team and the fact that he's a borderline All-Star this season.

At the game last night my father and I started breaking down which Centers in the East would make it over Perk. The only Center we both agreed on of course was Dwight Howard. After Howard there are a handful of Centers with greater name appeal but statistically speaking they're all pretty even and if winning helps then Perk should get the nod. Let's take a look at the numbers heading into last night's game:

Okafor: 12.5 ppg 10.9 rpg 1.7 bpg
Horford 11 8 and 1.6
Ilgauskas 14.8 7.6 and 1.2
Jermaine O'Neal 12.6 7.6 and 1.7

Perkins 8.2 8.1 and 1.8

While Perkins doesn't seem to have the scoring numbers as these guys do he's right there in rebounds and blocks. Plus last night he had 15 points, 14 rebounds and controlled the first quarter for the C's.

I love Rondo but c'mon let's show Perk some love.

New Meaning to the Phrase 'Break a Leg'

Check this shit out

Yankees Finally Land Their Man

CC Sabathia and the Yankees have finally reached a preliminary agreement according to ESPN. The deal is not the same as the Yanks original offer of six years for $140 million, but for a record seven year $160 million so what took CC so long? According to Jayson Stark right now on ESPN Sabathia had to convince himself that New York was the place for him. For $160 million I'd be pitching in Islamabad. I'm not sure NY fans will be too pleased that it took Sabathia an extra year and $20 million to "convince" him NY was the place for him for the next seven seasons.

Sabathia coming off a CY Young season in 2007 with the Indians was dealt to the Brewers before the trade deadline last season. With the Brewers he was nothing short of amazing going 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA, carrying the Brewers into their first playoff appearance since 1982. Sabathia has posted a career record of 117-73 and a 3.66 ERA in eight big league seasons.

The Yankees landed the ace they've been looking for as they head into their new stadium and now CC will join Wang and most likely Chamberlain in the starting rotation. Peter Gammons right now is saying he strongly believes AJ Burnett goes to the Braves and that the Yanks seem to be focusing on Derek Lowe and or Ben Sheets. Gammons is also reporting that the Yanks Ian Kennedy is having a strong winter and should be a part of their rotation.

Just another reason to hate the Yankees. Should be a fun year between the Sox, Rays and Yankees.

MILF TV...

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Another Year Another Loss for the Superfans

This was not the scene on Saturday when BC once again proved that their "Superfans" are nothing more than Superfrauds and I enjoyed every moment of it. In fact when BC lost I jizzed in my pants. I was in Montreal this weekend for my Bachelor party and the nine of us spent Saturday afternoon watching some college football at Dundees. All of us were rooting for BC to once again blow it in the ACC Championship game and sure enough we all got our wish. BC probably had about 20 fans in Tampa as they were manhandled (lost 30-12) by a mediocre Virgina Tech squad who BC beat at home earlier in the season. I don't know how BC stays this competitive every year but I think it's almost funnier that their season always ends the same way. The team puts itself in position (beating up on a cupcake non-conference schedule) to get to a BCS game and every year they blow it.

Now the fags (and I don't mean Film Actor's Guild) are on their way to the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl. Vandy finished 6th in the SEC and will probably lose to the Eagles. But again, it's what BC does every year. Blow the important game and end up winning a crappy Bowl vs mediocre competition. It made my night that much better.

Here's more on my hatred for BC and their Superfans.

Jizz In My Pants...

No I'm not talking about my recent trip up to Montreal this past weekend although I can't say the same for some of my buddies who CAME (see what I did there with the play on words?) for the weekend as well. Samberg's latest video is absolutely hysterical. "Last week I saw a film as I recall it was a horror film." While I love this song and the Hot Rod star, but is Samberg becoming this generation's Weird Al Yankovic?

Click here to Jizz....in your pants.

Click here to watch Samberg's Cool Beans clip from Hot Rod.

Where Are They Now...

Who didn't love the hit show Family Matters following the Winslow family and their geeky neighbor Steven "Steve" Quincy Urkel. Well tonight I was grabbing a few beers with Maru and her co-worker Dave and somehow we started talking about Carl and Eddie Winslow. Once Eddie's name was mentioned we both immediately started talking about the great Waldo Geraldo Faldo.

I figured it might be interesting to check him out on imdb to see what he's been up to since Family Matters sadly came to an end and I was a bit saddened by his lack of work. Honeslty someone needs to hire this dude.

Thirty-five year-old Shawn Harrison was featured in one episode of Moesha, one episode of Eve, six episodes of Girlfriends and twelve episode of a show I've never even heard of League of Super Heroes.

Let's dig a little further...I would imagine these are from relatives but there were some threads discussing his work on his imdb page.

Very excited to read that Shawn has a new series for the CW network as the voice of Timber Wolf in the animated series "Legion of Super Heroes." Also, just saw him on the E network show being interviewed, "Child Star Confidential" and came off with such charisma! Can't wait to see more of him.

He was so fun to watch as 'Peaches' on Girlfriends. Tres funny.

You know, it's going to be very interesting to see how Shawn does in voice acting, as his fellow Family Matters cast members has done very well in voice acting in the past (examples: Jaleel White in The Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, JoMarie Payton in The Proud Family, and Darius McCrary in the recent Transformers movie).

You forgot Bumper Robinson the guy who play Danial Wallace. He's played many cartoon roles over the years.

Haha who on Earth are these people that they know this much about Harrison's career and those of his former co-stars from Family Matters?!?!

Reebok Gets Rondo'd

Third-year Celtics PG Rajon Rondo may look like Starvin' Marvin, but the former star of Reebok's You Got Rondo'd campaign is jumping ship and heading to Nike. Click here to read the article.

In the meantime Rondo is a star on the rise and if the C's continue to win he might even find himself on the All Star team this season. In the C's dismantling of the Pacers tonight (yes the same Pacers who somehow earlier beat the C's and the Lakers last night) Rondo notched a career high 17 assists and his first career triple double. Heading into tonight's action the former Kentucky star was tied with Chauncey Billups for 8th in the NBA averaging 7.2 assists/game. Rondo was also 4th in league with 2.16 steals/game and added three more tonight.

The C's are on a roll, winners of 10 straight, and now own an NBA-best 18-2 record with an intriguiging showdown this Friday looming against Portland (14-6).

ET Phone Home

Last night during the Celtics blowout win over the banged-up Magic Sam "ET" Cassell was tossed in the first half. Why did the C's even bring the alien back on board this season. Cassell was a mess in the playoffs last season and at 39 how much more does he have to give. Last year while I was still gainfully employed I had the chance to speak with Celtics legend Tom "Satch" Sanders (bow tie and all) and he had nothing good to say about Cassell which was pretty funny to hear right after the C's won the title.

Cassell hasn't logged a minute in a game this season yet he's picked up 2 T's. Maybe Perk should just pay Cassell to pick up technicals for him.

Jewish Girl Messes With Italian Sausage and Parents

It might be 2008 but many Jewish parents still don't want their kids dating goyim let alone some Italian guy who vacations on the Jersey shore. Anyways little Jappy Julie decided to prank her parents and give her mother a bad case of diarrhea for the day (only remedy for that is to choke on my matzoh balls). Click here to listen to the shenanigans.

Thanks to Pratter for sending this along.

Cool Beans

Soooooo...apparently when I'm unemployed I still have a difficult time updating the Blog. I mean where on Earth will I come up with the free time to chime in here? Over the weekend I was busy building a 10 game streak on ESPN's Streak for the Cash. While that was going on four people actually came one win from winning $1million...my streak crashed and burned like Goose last night with the Packers shitting the bed. In the meantime my 9-2 Fantasy Football squad (7 game winning streak) took the week off as I benched my studs to rest them for the playoffs. My bench went on to outscore most teams in my league including my starting lineup and now I'm in a dogfight for the bye and regular season points champ. Suck me sideways.

On Saturday I also decided to start a new show thanks to my buddy Chris. As The Shield comes to an end tonight I started watching Sons of Anarchy and fuck my cock that show rules. Hellboy, Peg Bundy, Lloyd from Undeclared and Dutchboy from The Shield all star in this show about gun-running biker outlaws. What's there not to like? So like always when I get hooked on a show I have to catch up immediately and put everything else in life on hold.

Today my day consisted of six episodes of Sons of Anarchy, Hot Rod (cool beans motha fucka) and now I'm the only person in New England watching BU @ Northeastern on NESN. During the pregame I blackberry messaged my buddy from BU, Joey, and he asked if the game was on public access. As I was trying to come up with a witty response I was delighted to see Dana Barros doing the color for the game. Hahaha man was it awful. So, yes, it looks like the game is being produced by a high school AV club.

In all honesty I'm posting this Blog after several glasses of Makers on the rocks and still reeling from watching a taco knock out a grilled cheese sandwich (click here to watch) in Hot Rod so forgive me if it's not my best work.

Anyone have any lineup advice for this week in Fantasy? I'm playing one of my biggest rivals looking to avenge one of my three losses, wrap up the #1 seed and a bye and win the regular season points crown. Cool beans.

Did You Pay the Troll Toll?

"What is going on up here? I never know man."

One of the most classic moments in TV history came last year during Season 3 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Nightman gave way to Dayman.

While it's been funny this season the gang from Paddy's Pub has definitely had a tough time matching the shenanigans from last season. Last night's season finale was very funny but man nothing beats this clip from last season. Click here to watch.

Celts-Knicks Rivalry Turns Into 'Westside Story' Snap Fight

The New York Knicks just might be turning into the Eastern Conference's version of the Jailblazers. Minus the suspended Kevin Garnett the Celtics cruised to a 110-101 victory over the rejuvenated Knicks shooting 53% from the field. The Knicks are off to a better start with a little addition by subtraction by not giving any playing time to overpaid players such as Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry (what a trade that was), Jerome James (who?) and Jared Jeffries. With that said it seems some of the players still take after their former coach who is probably soundly sleeping somewhere these days while throwing his daughter under the bus.

After last night's loss at the Garden Quentin Richardson and Zach Randolph had this to say about the C's trashtalking ways according to realgm.com:

"I'd be just real curious to see what a lot of those guys would say if we weren't in a basketball arena, where there are no referees and NBA officials to stop certain things," Richardson said. "I mean it wouldn't be the same story. They are the world champions and rah-rah-rah, the tough talk I don't buy. I come from a neighborhood where you can say what you want to say and until you do something with it it don't mean nothing.

"Some of those guys woofing about 'Get a ring' and blah, you ain't been in the league long enough to talk like that to some people who's got as many years as we got over here. I don't got a lot of respect for that."

"They do a lot of talking," said Randolph. "They know they are protected on (the) court. That's why I don't pay that no mind. Because a lot of guys get off the court and they tuck their tails (between their legs)."

Ummm, seriously? Maybe instead of bitching about how the C's talk trash you should probably make sure Brian Scalbrine doesn't score 8 points against you.

Titans or Giants?

No I'm not talking about which team has a better chance of winning the Superbowl, but rather which team will come out with their own music video. It might be a thing of the past but it sure was entertaining in the 80's. We can only hope one of these teams follow in the footsteps of these great videos...click here to watch. Thanks to Kevin C for passing this along.

While we're at it let's relive Matt Cassel's amazing karaoke performance.

Phantom's Muchentuchen

So I recently watched You Don't Mess With the Zohan and while I didn't really enjoy the movie all that much there was one scene that I think is worth watching over and over again.

Click here to watch.

Obama's First Order of Business...College Football Playoffs

Last night on 60 Minutes President-elect Barack Obama once again reiterated that he'd like to see college football institute a playoff system and do away with the current BCS platform. BCS coordinator John Swofford had this to say:

"First of all I want to congratulate newly elected President Obama and I am glad he has a passion for college football like so many other Americans," Swofford said in a statement. "For now, our constituencies -- and I know he understands constituencies -- have settled on the current BCS system, which the majority believe is the best system yet to determine a national champion while also maintaining the college football regular season as the best and most meaningful in sports."

Seriously? That's the best you could come up with? Honestly...I've never heard one person mention that the BCS is the right way to crown a national champion. It makes no sense and I think Obama should make this his first order of business.

He Called the Shit Poop

Is that poopy or a melted a toblerone? So today has been a relatively healthy day...hit the gym for a couple hours and subsequently emptied my bowels a few times. When I told my friend Barry about this he mentioned he's considered getting his colon cleaned out. It's never crossed my mind but here are some wonderful pictures to entertain you at work.

Yinka Dare's Ghost Leads GW Past BU in OT

The return of college hoops is upon us and it can only mean one thing...BU fans gingerly touching tips as we go on to win the America East Tourney in March. I'm going out on a limb to say this might be the only Blog post in the history of Blogging dedicated solely to Boston University Men's Basketball.

Anyways, the Terriers kicked things off in ugly fashion last night opening the season with a 5 point overtime loss to George Washington. Not sure if Yinka Dare (may he rest in peace), Shawnta Rogers or Sirvaliant Brown were on the court but BU just couldn't hit a shot. Star junior (pictured here) Corey Lowe was 2-15 from the field as the team shot under 30% for the game. With that said BU forced over 20 turnovers and led by as much as 5 in overtime before the ghost of Yinka Dare guided the Colonials to a win.

Look for BU to bounce back with a solid road win against Bucknell Tuesday night.

Shock and Awe

Gotta give President Bush props...Back in 2000 when Bush was first elected many people mentioned that they felt they could have a beer with him. Well now it looks like you can share another magical moment with Bush. Before the President leaves the White House his final order of business is to dip two in the pink and one in the stink.

The President is pictured here with members of the Arizona State men's and women's track teams. Too bad Bush wasn't meeting with University of Arizona superfan and virgin David Hasselhoff.

Coming Soon to an Adult Bookstore Near You...

Just in time for Chanukah...Esther Chokes on Shlomo's matzoh balls.

The New England Patriots find themselves sort of in the midst of yet another controversy. The latest mishap involves their selection of Marblehead High School coach Doug Chernovetz as their "Coach of the week."

According to Deadspin (Click here for the complete article):
[The] lawsuit filed by former player Tim Morris, who claims Chernovetz assaulted and berated him. The suit, alleging emotional distress, contends Chernovetz was abusive to Morris and many of his teammates. He's accused of telling an African-American player: "Go back to the 'hood and sell drugs." And to a Jewish player who left practice early during Yom Kippur, the coach is alleged to have said: "Go home and choke on your matzo balls."

The Perfect Cheer

With the Celtics currently trailing the Hawks 36-28, starting yet another game sluggish I figured it's time for the perfect cheer. Last year the C's championship run began when one Mr. Mark Schneider (yes my father) decided to write some pre-game poetry. Let's re-live this gem of a poem that my dad wrote prior to Game 4 of the NBA Finals:

"THE CELTICS ARE MAKING NO APOLOGY

AS THEY CONTINUE TO NAVIGATE THIS HARDWOOD TOPOGRAPHY

TONIGHT THE CELTICS WILL SHOW MORE HEART

WHILE THE LAKERS ARE MAKING A BIG FART

SO CELTIC FANS NEED NOT WORRY

FOR TONIGHT'S GAME WILL BE A HAPPY STORY

AND WITH ANOTHER WIN ON SUNDAY

WE ALL WILL BE HAPPY ON MONDAY"

As my dad would say "Bleed Green!"

Celts-Hawks Preview

The Atlanta Hawks took the Celtics to seven games during the first round of the NBA Playoffs last season. After a tumultuous off-season where super sub Josh Childress took his bad teeth across the pond the Hawks are now the lone unbeaten team in the Eastern Conference at 6-0.

Last season's Hawks won 37 regular season games and were crushed all four times they faced the C's in Boston including Game 7 where the Celts took care of business, 99-65.

From today's Atlanta Journal Constitution:
“I’d just like to win one game up there,” said Hawks center Zaza Pachulia, whose nose-to-nose stare down of Garnett in Game 4 made him a fan favorite for life in Atlanta and an eternal villain in Boston. “They’re a great team. But we came so close in that series. If we could have just pulled one game out on their floor, we’d have shocked the world.”

An "eternal villain in Boston." Really? We own 17 NBA titles and they think we're still dwelling on Game 4 against a 37 win team? Last year the Hawks couldn't even come close in the Garden and we're 4-0 to start the season at home. Gotta love the C's tonight and I hope KG rests his nutsack firmly on Pachulia's chin.

Spare Change Guy Revisited

We all know and love Spare Change Guy...in fact I'm pretty sure he's now become a historical landmark on Beacon Hill. Whether you've given him some change, maybe smoked a butt with him or hit him with your car we can all say the man just smells delicious.

Back in my time with FOX25 we did a handful of segments where he was clearly the star until Big Brother stepped in and said "No Mas!" Well, with summer long gone let's sit back and enjoy Spare Change Guy's tips for beating the heat.

Click here to enjoy some friendly advice.

Spaceman Wants you to Kiss his Tuchus

Bill "Spaceman" Lee (not to be confused with 30 Rock's Dr. Leo Spacemen) wants you to kiss his ass while he gives Manny Ramirez a little rub and tug. Here's the video courtesy of Josh from the State House. Nice to see our tax dollars are being put to good use.

Sorry Rogah You Tigah Now

By far one of my favorite commercials on TV has apparently spawned a spinoff on a lovely website (Not Safe for Work) called Redtube. Click here for the video.

Shoutout to Jeff in Seattle for sending this along.

Another Reason to Hate BC and Their Super Fans

Cock, shit, balls.

Man do I hate BC so much. Growing up in the Boston area it's hard not to since they're the only so-called major athletic program around. Good thing for me I was a bigger fan of Boston University because of my idol Tunji Awojobi. If anyone actually reads this thing and is going to Israel on one of those Birthright trips...I want an autograph.

Anyways these fake fans and their mediocre athletic programs have struck again. Last night I had a small 3 game streak going in ESPN's Streak for the cash. However I was targeting the $2,500 monthly prize. I was 10-4 on the month of November and riding high after a big Woody Austin golf win (I don't know shit about golf). So of course I jump all over BC at home against Notre Dame in college hockey.

Suck me sideways. BC lost 4-1. Fuck you BC. You and your Jesuit fans. Because of that loss I had to make a quick panic selection late night and took the Mavs on the road against the new-look Nuggets. Fuck you Jason Kidd. Learn to hit a FT (not your wife) at the end of a game.

Cow Tongue and Octopus Scare the Shit out of Josh Childress in Greece

Not sure if anyone caught the recent all access interview that Josh Childress gave for Outside the Lines but man I have some questions.

First off...what the fuck is up with his teeth? Dude you went to Stanford and now you're making millions in Greece...do you really not have enough money to get that shit fixed?

Are you really afraid of the super market? All week on shows like PTI Childress has been praised as "open minded" and a "free spirit." What open-minded person is afraid of rabbit and octopus at the market? At one point he goes "that's an eye right there, he's looking at me."

I actually liked Josh Childress up until this interview. Solid role guy in the NBA and I was intrigued by his jump to Europe in order to make more money. Plus he has his own option at the end of each season so that he can pretty much return to the NBA whenever he receives the right offer.

However, all of that is erased now. Man the fuck up, get your teeth fixed and stop being such a pussy.

Remember When...

Dino Radja was on the Celtics during the '96-'97 season? That dude could score...pretty sure things are looking a little brighter these days although not sure if Brett Szabo might be a better addition on this team than Scal.

The Celtics on the Move..

Is the recently traded Antonio McDyess already on the move? There are reports that the Denver Nuggets might buy McDyess out of his contract and that the defending NBA champions are already showing strong interest in bringing him on board to beef up their front line.

The once injury riddled McDyess has been surprisingly healthy over the last four seasons in Detroit never playing in less than 77 games. Last season the 6-9 forward averaged almost 9 points/game and 6 rebounds in almost 30 minutes of playing time. McDyess would add a veteran presence off the bench for the Celtics joining youngsters Leon Powe, Tony Allen and Big Baby Davis.

I really like the idea of McDyess joining the C's although I'm not sure how likely this is though. McDyess could add a James Posey feel to the C's bench and ensure that Brian Scalabrine doesn't see the light of day. Get that guy back in a suit.

Speaking of Big Baby Davis isn't it always fun to re-live this amazing video?