Lester Hudson More Than Mr. Irrelevant?

The Orlando Summer League is underway and it makes me long for the days of the Shaws Pro Summer League at Umass Boston where the likes of Kedrick Brown, Brandon Hunter and Donny Marshall (what a Celtics connection!) were ready to put their upside on display. The Celtics crushed their former NBA D-League partner, the Utah Jazz, 87-56 with a few bright spots.

I will admit that I did not watch the games (which are streaming live on the Orlando site), but by all accounts (Click here for David B. Thorpe's live Tweets), so far, and judging on the box score it appears the Celtics might have found yet another 2nd round steal this time in the form of Lester Hudson. The 6-3 guard might be ready to step in and replace Stephon Marbury as Rajon Rondo's backup although reports are surfacing that Danny Ainge is interested in the one and only Tyronn Lue (for the love of God why)?

I was excited to see what former lottery picks Michael Sweetney and Danny Ainge's boyfriend Robert Swift would do but neither put up decent numbers and this picture from Steve Boyle says it all. If the Celtics do land Grant Hill with the bi-annual exception at $1.9 million they would likely be unwilling to match any teams offer for Glen Big Baby Davis, which means the Celtics would be looking in-house to their youngsters or hoping to find a diamond in the rough in the form of a rehab project like a Sweetney/Swift or an aging vet, hello Tyronn Lue.

After all the hype surrounding last year's first round pick, J.R. Giddens offseason workout it seems as if Bill Walker is still ahead of him on the depth chart and Ainge continues to hint that the two of them are competing for one spot. Gabe Pruitt might finally get a chance to earn a spot in the rotation, but he showed flashes last Summer League and last pre-season before his OUI and failure to hit a shot dereailed his season. Hudson seems to be physically and mentally the most mature player on the Summer League roster and I just have a feeling that he's hungry to prove that his Division 1 quadruple-double was no fluke.

My favorite player on the roster is Chris Lofton who will find a spot eventually in the NBA and put up a solid night of shooting tonight, however, it seems unlikely for him to stick with the Celtics since Eddie House opted into his contract for this upcoming season. Former Nevada standout Nick Fazekas also might find a spot in the NBA and if the C's don't re-sign Big Baby then Fazekas could have a shot to catch on here in Boston.

Celtics take on the host Magic tomorrow afternoon.

Boston...Where 'Sheed Happens

Is Boston ready for Rasheed Wallace to bring his trademark pre-game dance to the Garden where it will put to shame Eddie House's pre-game handshakes?

According to 'Sheed's agent the 34-year-old forward is committed to signing with the Celtics, which likely means a reserve role.  The Globe is reporting that it will be a two year deal for the full Mid-Level exception roughly $5.6 million and $5.8 million.

Wallace will add much-needed depth to the Celtics frontcourt this upcoming season. Instead of having undersized power forwards such as Leon Powe or Big Baby Davis fill in at center and power forward now 'Sheed will be able to fill in for Perkins and KG. Not only will 'Sheed allow Doc to rest KG a little more than normal during the regular season, but he should also give the Celtics some flexibility with the lineup at the end of games. Much like in 2007-2008 where Posey would be on the court during crunch time 'Sheed could fill that same void.

The Celtics are now rumored to be after veteran forward Grant Hill, but all they can offer is the bi-annual exception which comes in around $1.9 million. Hill played for that same amount last season in Phoenix, and hopefully the chance of winning a title is enough to lure him to Boston. If the Celtics can sign Hill it would create one of the more talented benches in basketball adding Hill's versatility and high field goal percentage to Eddie House and 'Sheed's shooting ability from deep. You'd have to think that with House, Wallace and Hill under contract Ainge would probably not match any offers for Big Baby and would likely look to the veteran minimum with one of the Summer League invites (Robert Swift, Michael Sweetney or Chris Lofton) or look in-house until the February trade deadline. At the trade deadline Ainge will be hard-at-work shopping the expiring deals of un-talented players such as Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine with the hopes of turning those into a solid rotational player to a team looking to shed salary in time for the free agent class of 2010.

At this point heading into the 2009-2010 season it looks as if the Cavs and the Celtics have improved their rosters, but I'm not sold on Orlando at all. Essentially they landed Vince Carter at the expense of Hedo, Courtney Lee and Gortat which is a big price to pay in depth and talent for an aging and overpaid player with a history of losing. 

I think Ainge's approach has been smart so far this offseason where he has gone after veterans who can contribute in a reserve role by adding to our starting five and not taking away any of those pieces. Plus the contracts have been just right. House is under contract for just this upcoming season, 'Sheed is allegedly signing a two year deal and the Celtics are doing everything they can to win now while also balancing future salary cap flexibility to allow them to rebuild on the fly as Allen, Pierce and KG get older. As opposed to the insane contract Posey wanted the Celtics to sign him to last offseason, 'Sheed's is much more modest and will not harm the Celtics moving forward.

One interesting note on 'Sheed...he led the NBA in technical fouls last season with 19 and 1 ejection...while Perk was 6th racking up 12 techs and an ejection as well. Plus the C's were known as some of the biggest trash talkers in the NBA and the team will only get more vocal now. 

Do the Celtics Need 'Sheed Now that Robert Swift is Here?

The Boston Celtics are already losing ground as the offseason has been filled with big trades and free agent signings. The Celtics so far have drafted Lester Hudson and have made no other additions. Yeah, we'll hopefully have a healthy KG this season but in today's NBA that just is not enough. The Lakers essentially traded Trevor Ariza for Ron Artest (who "hoodalized" ESPN on Thursday) and all they had to pay Artest was the full mid level exception for three years. Where were the Celts on this one? Artest is only 29, knocked down almost 40% of his 3's and is a crazy lockdown defender on the perimeter. The Lakers will probably still be able to find a way to offer Odom and you have to like their chances to repeat. 

Meanwhile here in Boston the Globe is reporting that we can't even find a way to re-sign Marbury. Sure he was pretty ineffective last season but I wonder how he would fit in after an entire training camp and preseason. I think as far as backup PG's go you could do far worse. Maybe the Celtics now turn their attention to someone like Brevin Knight to run the show for the 2nd unit or possibly take their chances with Eddie House (Gabe Pruitt/Lester Hudson) and wait it out until the trade deadline. Knight's numbers have dropped off significantly over the last three seasons, but he might still be a steady enough ball handler for the 2nd unit. While the Celtics don't have much talent on the roster after their starting lineup they do have some contracts that could possibly be moved such as Scalabrine and Tony Allen both of which are in the final year of their contracts. 

The Celtics apparently have gone all in hoping to land Rasheed Wallace and his amazing pre-game dance to compete with Shaq, LeBron and Danny Green in Cleveland.. The offer is reportedly for two years. I had some reservations about bringing in Wallace namely that he will be 35 when the season gets underway and usually in free agency teams try to separate themselves by adding years to the contract, which would kill the Celtics as they try to balance now and the future. A two year deal is perfect limiting the risk of bringing in an aging and combustible player. 

Wallace would be a gigantic upgrade off the bench allowing the Celtics to have a legitimate backup Center/Power forward for the bench considering he's about 5 inches taller than Big Baby. It's scary to think that a talented big man like Wallace only shot 41% from the field last season, however he consistently drained 35% from 3-point range. He also adds much-needed size and Wallace still rebounds (7.4 rebounds/game) and blocks shots (1.3 blocks/game). He also takes care of the ball averaging less than 1 turnover/game. Wallace's outside shooting would give the Celtics some options at the end of games even more so than when the great James Posey was here. In certain situations it would allow the Celtics to go with 'Sheed instead of Perk to space the floor for Rondo and Pierce to get to the hoop. According to reports Wallace wants to be patient and see what other teams are offering. Unfortunately that's not a good sign for the Celtics considering the team sent Ainge, Doc, Wyc along with Pierce, Allen and his good friend KG to try and get the deal done. Wallace will weigh options from Charlotte, Orlando, Cleveland and San Antonio.

If the Celtics can't land 'Sheed I really hope they don't panic, overpay a mediocre player who won't be a huge impact this season and will in the end crush our salary cap moving forward. Sadly that seems to be what's left on the market right now. Talk of giving the full mid level to guys like Anthony Parker, Marquis Daniels and Matt Barnes is nauseating and if free agency doesn't work out well then I guess we can always pray Robert Swift, Mike Sweetney and Nick Fazekas torch the summer league right?

Was Joe Dumars Ever a Good GM?

Why is the NBA offseason so much more exciting than the regular season? While most people could care less about watching a Memphis Grizzlies game it's pretty damn entertaining to watch Chris Wallace wheel and deal. Yes, Zach Randolph will finally mature and become a team player in Memphis. I'm sure he'll be a great mentor for Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo. Hopefully he won't throw a punch at Hasheem Thabeet.

Enough of Chris Wallace (who tried to ruin the Celtics) let's move on to Joe Dumars and the Detroit Pistons. Dumars led the Pistons to six straight Eastern Conference Finals and they even won a title, yet the way he's drafted and made deals it's almost impossible to remember the Pistons were a good team. 

Ok so drafting Darko Milicic did not work out (but at least it led to this) and it's been well-documented, but what is he doing this offseason. Dumars had the PG of the future on his team in Rodney Stuckey so he decided to take a chance and free up cap space. Got rid of Chauncey Billups lengthy contract and took a flier on AI. That worked out so well that AI has no suitors in free agency and Dumars had to fire his head coach just so Richard Hamilton would not demand a trade. 

So the Pistons got rid of Billups (who went on to lead Denver to a deep run in the Western Conference) just to free up cap space to sign Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva to five year deals?!?! In the current economy teams have been hesitant to make moves and most guys are finding out that teams are limited in what they can spend. Yet Detroit goes out there and spends money like Jerry West did when Brian Cardinal hit free agency. Here's a quote from the article: "

Grizzlies president Jerry West, who has a reputation for spotting undervalued talent, called Cardinal 'an excellent all-around player.'" Please feel free to insert your own joke here.

How does this work for the Pistons? A disappointing Stuckey at PG, a frustrated Rip at SG (he still might demand a trade unless the Pistons sign Khalid El-Amin), Tayshaun at SF (I'm telling you now Tayshaun will not re-sign with the Pistons after this season and that's why Dumars drafted Austin Daye...), Villanueva at PF and Kwame Brown at Center? Or do the Pistons go small and start Stuckey, Gordon, Rip and play three guards cause that works about as much as closer by committee works. So the Pistons just dropped 5 years $55 million on Gordon to be instant offense off the bench? I mean the guy is good no question about it and he torched the Celtics in the 1st round but I feel like Dumars forgot what won him a title. Where's the defense in that starting lineup other than Prince? On top of that the team will have Gordon light it up off the bench with the likes of Jason Maxiell and Will Bynum oooooooooooooh.

Villanueva's deal I have no issues with. He's 24, very long and just offensively gifted plus he's a force to be reckoned with on Twitter. His deal is also quite reasonable and fills a need for them. Villanueva will now become Detroit's best player with no eyebrows, but hey at least he'll Tweet at halftime.

On a pathetic side note I spent a good 20 minutes talking my buddy Steve on Gchat while we both hit refresh here making jokes about obscure American basketball players currently in Turkey. Keep looking in the top right corner in case you're as pathetic as we are!

Lester Hudson Will Make the Celtics

There is every reason to believe that the first ever draft pick from UT-Martin will not hang on with the Celtics who made Lester Hudson (click here for Lester Hudson highlights) the 58th pick in Thursday night's draft. Then again there was every reason in the world to believe that Hudson would never even play college basketball.

Hudson came from a bad neighborhood in Memphis, played only one year of high school hoops and never graduated. Instead of giving in to the life Hudson buckled down and earned his GED and eventually landed with UT-Martin (graduated with a 3.0) a D-1 school in the Ohio Valley Conference.

Hudson's first collegiate game came against the eventual NCAA runner-up Memphis Tigers...Apparently Coach Cal couldn't get someone to take his SAT's for him like he did with Derrick Rose and Robert Dozier. (Here's a great line from Mark Murphy's article in the Boston Herald: “John Calipari told me that if he had had me the previous year, they would have made the Final Four,” Hudson said of the ever-charming Memphis coach.) Hudson dropped 35 on the Tigers and just two games later, became the first player in NCAA Division-I history to accumulate a quadruple-double (25 points, 12 rebounds, 10 assists, 10 steals). A side note...my dad believes Rajon Rondo will pull off the feat in the NBA so maybe now Rondo can learn from someone who's been there. Unless of course he gets traded...

Some other accolades: Hudson earned Ohio Valley Conference player of the year both of his seasons at UT-Martin, he averaged 27.5 points/game good for 2nd in the nation behind the 7th pick Stephen Curry and finally something that might be a good indicator of his talent if you're worried about his level of competition Hudson led the Skyhawks to their first-ever postseason appearance as a Division-I member, an 87-82 loss at Auburn in the first round of the National Invitation Tournament. In that game, Hudson capped off his spectacular collegiate career with 33 points, 12 rebounds, seven assists against the SEC school. 

My take...Eddie House will not opt out. He's due almost $3 million this season and in this economy he can't really believe someone will pay him more or give him extra years especially when teams are trying to save money for the next two groups of free agency. 

Hudson will have some competition this summer with former Tennessee star Chris Lofton who can flat out shoot (also was a star in the SEC and has now played professionally for a year in Turkey) as well as players with some NBA and D-League experience Gabe Pruitt and J.R. Giddens. Pruitt is gone as he has been unable to earn any minutes and his DUI last year won't help...by all accounts Giddens doesn't get it defensively and can't seem to hit a jumper which makes him a more athletic version of a poor man's Tony Allen. 

I think Hudson has a good shot to catch on with the Celtics due to his toughness and ability to score on defenders. Also as my buddy Steve said "he's what you get when Rondo married Tony Delk." He's got a wingspan of almost 6'10 and can rebound which helps considering he's nothing more than an undersized shooting guard. Finally his age could help since he seems physically and mentally ready for the grind. Hopefully the C's can let him develop against some tougher talent in the D-League (Welcome to Portland Maine) and continue to track his progress but I see no reason why Lester Hudson can't land a spot on this Celtics squad over the next couple of seasons.

Rajon Rondo the New Jay Cutler?

Does this look like an un-coachable malcontent to you? Is this the image we all had of Jay Cutler during his final days in Denver?

According to a recent Boston Globe article Rajon Rondo's (click here to read my take...ok Ric Bucher's take on Rondo being traded) agent is (understandably) upset with Ainge's comments while on WEEI yesterday.

Here are the key comments by Ainge: "Ainge said that Rondo has "got to grow up," and added, "his presence hurt us" against the Magic in the Eastern Conference semifinals. He also said that Rondo wasn't a "max contract player," and admitted that Rondo was fined for being tardy to postseason games."

Did Ainge really think this was going to put an end to all of the Rondo trade rumors? If Ainge trades Rondo does this mean that Ricky Davis has a better brain type?

The Year of the Point Guard

The point guard position is back in vogue in the NBA. After years of wondering if Harold Miner would be the next Michael Jordan or dubbing Michael Smith (How does he actually have a Wikipedia page?) the next Larry Bird (does it ever get old watching old Larry Bird clips even if it's mixed with Eminem?)...ok ok Keith Van Horn was the next Larry Bird.

Over the last few years point guards have taken the league by storm. Youngsters such as Chris Paul (in case this is Corky Thatcher reading he's pictured on the left), Deron Williams, Tony Parker, Derrick Rose and of course our very own Rajon Rondo plus the grizzled vets who paved the way such as Steve Nash, Chauncey Billups and Jason Kidd.

Here's the question though, how necessary is it to have a "true" point guard running the show? Currently, there are some teams in the draft who are looking for that answer. Debating whether Stephen Curry or Tyreke Evans can develop into the position or if Ricky Rubio will live up to the hype. Sometimes fans get too attached to a player and focus on how many assists/game a point guard averages. With the recent Rondo rumors swirling it's worth taking a look at the state of the position and realizing it's not necessary to have an elite PG.

Let's take a look at the league's top 20 in assists:

Click here

Digging a little deeper into the numbers Jose Calderon appears to be the most efficient point guard in the NBA racking up almost 9 assists/game and even more impressive averaging an assist-to-turnover ration of 4.24/1. However, Toronto was awful this past season and now the team has to make moves based on trying to keep Chris Bosh happy. Chris Paul who seems to be everyone's favorite PG and the reigning assists/game champ this season had his Hornets knocked out in the first round to Denver in only five games. Williams and the Jazz also gone in the first round, granted to the eventual champs, but a very mediocre regular season for the Jazz. On top of that Nash and the Suns couldn't even make the playoffs and now the Suns are looking to blow up their entire roster except for Nash (Sounds like a smart move to build around an aging PG who couldn't win in his prime). 

Bob Ryan has a similar opinion in his recent article on Rondo and the state of the point guard position. I'm of the opinion that the NBA is all about assembling the most talent regardless of the traditional positions. Will Derek Fisher ever be considered an elite point guard? You can't have an all-star at every position but you can certainly trade someone at their peak value in order to bring in even more talent.

Let's take a look at some of the Rondo trade rumors that had casual Celtics fans so upset. 

Rondo and Ray Allen to Detroit for Rip, Prince and Stuckey. Yes please. This trade was straight out of NBA Live and was so lopsided that the Celtics didn't even have the nerve to ask Joe Dumars his thoughts. Yes, the same Joe Dumars who drafted Darko Milicic over Carmelo, Wade and Bosh and again the same Joe Dumars who traded Billups for Iverson...yet most fans could not believe we'd be willing to part with both players. That trade would have given us one of the best defensive front lines in NBA history. I'm not joking! Add a healthy KG to Perk and Tayshaun and how difficult would it be for players to penetrate? Not to mention that Prince would be our 6th man. With a lineup that talented and deep why is it necessary to have a "true" PG and why wouldn't you explore deals that will instantly make you a title contender. Don't forget about the current economic crisis we're facing and the fact that Ray Allen's contract will expire after this season and Rondo is due for a hefty pay raise while the aforementioned players on the Pistons are under contract for 2-4 years. Danny is not stupid and he realizes free agents could care less about signing with the Celtics unless we're competing for a title so getting under the salary cap does nothing to benefit us.

The second rumor is a bit more realistic but again Chris Wallace is not that bad of a GM is he? The alleged deal had us shipping Rondo, Scal and Giddens to Memphis for Conley and Gay who would become the league's most potent 6th man and would add two more young pieces to try and balance winning now and not immediately heading to Lotto land right after.

Ainge clearly knows what it takes to build a winner in today's NBA and now we're waiting to see if he knows how to balance the present and the future without completely blowing things up. As good as Rondo is especially for his age I am not opposed to seeing Ainge trade him for the right price.

My gut tells me that if anyone gets traded it's Allen and that the Celtics will end up with one 1st round pick and multiple 2nd round picks in tomorrow night's draft. 

Rajon Being Rajon

So the Media wants us to believe that Celtics star-in-the-making Rajon Rondo is almost impossible to coach and that management wants to move Rondo while his value is high before he hits free agency. 

Let's for a second believe that the man who singlehandedly carried us past the Bulls and practically averaged a Triple-Double for the series is un-coachable. Has it affected his play? Does it mean KG, Pierce and Ray can't keep him in check? Is Rondo all of a sudden the biggest cancer since Stephon Marbury in NY? The NBA is filled with players who are un-coachable and the league is all about assembling a roster with the most talent who can play together. Wasn't Rasheed Wallace a born loser and an "un-coachable" player while in Portland? Then all of a sudden he was the missing piece in Detroit, funny how that happens. Speaking of "un-coachable" the entire Orlando Magic roster did nothing but rip on Stan Van Gundy. Rafer Alston wanted to choke him out after riding the bench for an entire fourth quarter.

So let's go back to Rondo being "un-coachable." I find it funny that NBA analysts want us to think Rondo is un-coachable in a league filled with un-coachable players. But I digress...so with all that said do we believe Rondo is on the move?

ESPN's Ric Bucher responded to my little query via Twitter and here's his response: "Not very. No one likes to spread crazy stuff like Ainge."

So there you have it...in big bold letters Rajon Rondo will not get traded and our man Danny Ainge is just spreading some crazy stuff...now maybe we can all go back to wondering if Ainge will use the full mid level exception on his man-crush Robert Swift.

Is it 'Too Late to 'Pologize?'

Ok I know this latest post is long overdue but I've been busy failing the Bar and not finding a job. Anyways, I'm back to studying and hitting the books pretty hard this time around so we'll see what happens. With that said I had to hop back on here to get some NBA chatter going before the Draft.

Devendorf the Douchebag

First off, my apologies for disappearing. I got married in January and then had to re-take the Bar Exam good times had by all.

Anyways, this has to be my favorite time of year. With all the Conference Tournaments I am rocking a giant sports boner...not to be confused with a murder boner. I'm sitting at home last night watching Seton Hall take on Syracuse at MSG and it was actually a tight contest the majority of the game. 'Cuse was up 46-44 when all hell broke loose and in the end Seton Hall was crushed. 

Here's what Devendouche said in the Times:

"I'm a very smelly, dripping douchebag," Devendorf said. "I take pride in making women have that oh so fresh feeling." 

Is there a bigger douchebag in college hoops than Devendorf? 

'The Secret' Rescues Anal Cherry

If you ever find yourself serving 3-5 years in prison for defecating in someone's mailbox be sure you read Chapter 6 of The Secret. If only I could stab the Bar Exam in the neck with a toothbrush then maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm being anally raped on a daily basis. Too bad Najeh Davenport didn't get a hold of The Secret before he pooped in his girlfriend's dorm room closet.

BC Does it Again

Honestly I have to admit...I have a sports boner right now. Boston College never ceases to disappoint their Superfans. It was just this past Sunday night that BC pulled off an epic upset by knocking off top-ranked and previously unbeaten North Carolina in Chapel Hill. In typical BC fashion they pull off a major win only to follow it up with a thud louder than Michael Clarke Duncan punching a swordfish.

Tonight 24th ranked BC faced a Harvard squad that was 7-6 and had never beaten a ranked team. Well of course that is until tonight!

So, thank you BC for giving me this tremendous sports boner. While it might not be as thick as a murder boner it still needs a good rub.

SI Blogger Rips Boston Sports

Sports Illustrated blogger, Andrew Perloff is an absolute joke. His latest blog is so infuriating it has me about to defend Boston College!?!?

Here's what Perloff writes about BC:
Boston College's handling of football coach Jeff Jagodzinski is the latest example of a Boston team shooting itself in the foot. The Eagles have reached a consistent level of success, winning 10 games the last two seasons, and all of a sudden they have to play big man on campus and teach their coach a lesson for talking to an NFL team.

Dude, honestly, before you blog get your facts straight. Coach Jags didn't win 10 games the last two seasons. The Eagles were a mediocre 9-5 this season and snapped their 8-game bowl winning streak by losing to Vandy in the Gaylord Bowl. Jags did nothing that put BC's football program on a higher level than it was when he got there two seasons ago, and AD Gene DeFilippo had every right to can him. DeFilippo warned him not to talk to the Jets and Jags did so anyways even though he was nothing more than longshot for the job.

Now let's move on to the real sports...Perloff knocks Theo and the Sox for trading away Manny, the Pats for cheating and the C's for even mentioning Marbury. The Sox made it to the ALCS where did your beloved Yankees go? Oh that's right they didn't make the playoffs did they. Yeah, great they outspent the world again but didn't they do that with guys like Pavano, Irabu, Contreras or do you just forget those names when it doesn't suit your blog. Want to rip the Pats? Belichick possibly had his best coaching job this season losing Brady, Harrison, Thomas, more RB's hurt than any team other than the Broncos and no secondary. With all that said the Pats still finished 11-5 and were the first team in over 25 years not to make the playoffs with that record, but no seriously Boston sports is on a backslide into mediocrity right? Oh you want to talk about the C's? Defending champs and started the season by breaking a record going 27-2. Where were you when they were tearing teams apart? Yeah they're in a little funk right now no question and yes there are some solid teams out there who can challenge the C's but to think this team is completely done is a joke.

How does this guy have a job with SI? Perloff do you even base your blogs on facts? I fuckin' hate you for making me defend BC. Here's a fact...you haven't had your penis touched by a woman.

Michael Clarke Duncan Danza Slaps a Swordfish

I know what you're thinking...who would win in a Danza slap contest: Michael Clarke Duncan or Visanthe Shiancoe? I'd say let's move on and endlessly quote lines from the most anticipated film of 2009...The Slammin' Salmon.

"You have to dominate the swordfish, only then can you saute it." - Michael Clarke Duncan

The boys from Broken Lizard are back and their latest film The Slammin' Salmon shows they're up to their same ol' shenanigans.

"How is everybody feline this evening."

Here's the full summary as listed on imdb:

The brutal former heavyweight boxing champion Cleon "Slammin'" Salmon (Duncan), now owner of a Miami restaurant, institutes a competition to see which waiter can earn the most money in one night: the winner stands to gain $10,000, while the loser will endure a beating at the hands of the champ.

Slammin' Salmon is set to debut at this year's Sundance Film Festival. "Who wants cream"?

Basketball + Shenanigans = Fried Gold

Mark "The Shark" Titus runs a relatively new and absolutely fuckin' hilarious blog (college version of Paul Shirley) called Club Trillion. Titus is a 6-4 Junior guard who rarely gets any run for The Ohio State Buckeyes. While his jumpshot is about as wet as an 80-year-old porn star's vagina the dude can write.

Here's a brief excerpt from his second post:

I spent a majority of the scrimmage talking to two 8 year old kids who told me their names were "Drake and Josh." I called shenanigans on this. The kid who said his name was Josh then decided to claim that his name was "Gake" and I again called shenanigans. I was finally informed his name was "Jake" and since I rarely call shenanigans more than twice a day, I decided to let it slide. So Drake and Jake explained to me that the funniest thing ever would be to put a Sweet Tart in my water bottle. I told them the funniest thing ever could probably be found on YouTube. Jake then told me that he has a locker room pass and I told him I wasn't impressed in the slightest because I have a locker room pass too. And since I didn't see Jake in the locker room after the scrimmage, I assume that this kid is on the fast track to a life of breaking girls' hearts and eventually being arrested for fraud and embezzlement.

If you need a clearer definition of the word shenanigans click here.

'CSI: Miami' Greatest Worst Show

Honestly there's not a whole lot to say here since the show speaks for itself. I know I'm 6+ years late to the party, but over the last two weeks my fiance got me hooked on CSI: Miami and my life has drastically changed for the better. Lt. Horatio Caine without a doubt is the greatest character in the history of television and if you don't believe me, well then watch for yourself. A big thanks to Monty (recently admitted his CSI: Miami sickness) for sending me the video that will surely prevent me from studying for the Bar Exam over the next two months.

David Caruso has somehow brainwashed his co-workers into thinking the man's a genius.

Dickie V Heads to the NBA...Check Out These Retards

ESPN is pulling the ol' switch-a-roo having Dick Vitale call an NBA game this upcoming Wednesday night. Does anyone care? Was this meant to help boost ratings for the NBA? Dwayne Wade vs. Carmello Anthony and ESPN had to resort to this? At least we're getting some great promo material from this, check out this video filled with some of the worst impressions of all time. George Karl looks really excited and Dirk Nowitzki is giving Ben Stiller a run for his money with his Simple Jack impression.

"I think you've got a fine brain Dirk." Special thanks to New York correspondent Joey for sending this video along.

BC Upsets UNC, NESN Upsets Superfans

Last year Tyrese Rice singlehandedly almost brought down North Carolina scoring a career-high 46 points at home. Tonight, Rice, didn't have to carry the load (although many Superfans like to swallow loads) in Chapel Hill as the Eagles pulled off the biggest upset of the young college basketball season beating the top-ranked Tar Heels 85-78.

My favorite part of the game came with about 90 seconds left to play and UNC was trying to mount a comeback. Down 6, UNC grabbed an offensive board and was fouled. After that NESN randomly cut to commercial and decided to return to the action with seven seconds left. Can you just picture a room full of "Superfans" giving each other reach-arounds wondering what happened to the game? The trailer for The Unborn ran several times during this break and I don't know one person who plans on seeing this piece of shit but if there's a group of people who would...it's a room full of Superfans.

Rice led the Eagles tonight with 25 points and 8 assists while Rakim Sanders chipped in with 22 points, 6 rebounds and 7 steals. Mr. October himself, Reggie Jackson, provided a spark off the bench dropping 17 points on Psycho T and the rest of the Heels.

The Eagles are now 13-2 (1-0) on the season and host Harvard (minus Method and Red) before getting back into ACC action. The Eagles dropped a tight contest on a neutral site against now 9th ranked Purdue and lost on the road against a mediocre St. Louis squad. So where does this leave the Eagles? At 13-2 and this road win against top-ranked UNC the Eagles seem to be building a solid Tourney resume. My bet is that BC finishes 9-7 in the ACC 22-9 overall, which should land them somewhere around a 6 seed making this squad ripe to be upset in the first round of the tourney. I almost like it even more when the Superfans are given hope and then it's ripped right out of their ass.

So let's see...the Pats weren't in the playoffs this weekend, douchebag Phillip Rivers won, the Cardinals and Eagles advanced, Celtics lost to the Knicks and BC upset UNC. Can 2009 get any worse?

'Seven Pounds'.....of Feces

Before this movie was released here is what the "Buzz" on IMDB had to say:

Prepare to feel depressed, then uplifted, for a second time by Will Smith and his Pursuit of Happyness director Gabriele Muccino. Just like in Hancock, a hidden story angle that will reveal itself in time; equally concealed -- make that non-existent -- are any early-bird nominations for Smith's performance, which has been tipped for his third Best-Actor nomination.

There must have been tremendous pressure on greenish screenwriter Grant Nieporte to deliver, and I've seen plenty of support for his script. I thought Happyness' screenplay was wispy, but that didn't prevent it from international success, so I have to surmise that Smith's bulletproof career is in no danger of taking a dent this holiday season, even if he made a few enemies in LA this time around.

My favorite part above is this line: "A hidden story angle that will reveal itself in time." What? Are you kidding me here? If by hidden you mean that the movie opens with Will Smith calling 9-1-1 to report a suicide only to reveal it's his suicide and then two more hours leading up to said "hidden" suicide then yes this "will reveal itself in time," such as the first five minutes of the film. Oh, and no, I'm not sorry that I just ruined the movie for you the way the movie ruins itself in the first five minutes. I've seen a lot of crap in my day and I do usually enjoy Smith's roles but this movie is garbage. Whoever is writing the "the buzz" sections on imdb needs to do a better job of actually seeing these movies before making downsyndrome-like statements.

World's Second Analrapist?

Looks like this referee wanted to get in on the fun during the Arizona Cardinals sort of upset win at home over the Atlanta Falcons. During a touchdown celebration it looks like the ref really jams his thumb in there raising the question is he now the world's second Analrapist?

Here's the world's first ever Analrapist...enjoy!

Starbury to Boston?

When I first heard rumors that the Celtics were interested in bringing Stephon Marbury to Boston I threw up in my mouth a few times and swallowed at least once. All the bad cliches attached to Marbury seemed to be true. The guy is a cancer in the locker room, he puts up big numbers but doesn't make his team better (hello Shareef Abdur Rahim), blah blah blah.

Then Marbury wrote a personal blog for the NY Post right before the New Year and dropped this amazing quote: "it's really not about the money but it's about the money. Feel me?" Honestly, has to be the best quote of 2008. That line is straight out of Wet Hot American Summer when Gene is trying to teach Coop "A New Way."

Click here to learn the New Way.

But I digress...back to Marbury joining the C's. I started to take a look at some of Marbury's numbers and man this guy was productive for a long time and he's only 31. I'm now coming around and if Ainge brings Marbury in to back up Rondo I'm on board. I think this is a very Belichick-ian move by Ainge. No way to lose. The C's seem to have a strong team mentality with their starting five, Eddie House and head coach Doc Rivers and I don't think any one player can rip that apart. Also, in case Marbury doesn't work out then the C's can let him go with no major salary hit. The one issue I do see is that Marbury will be coming in mid season. When Belichick has made moves for players like Marbury i.e. Corey Dillon and Randy Moss both players went through training camp and preseason with the Pats before the regular season.

Marbury will fill the role that they hoped ET Cassell would fill last season. Marbury is a veteran point guard who can create his own shot and break down defenders to get into the paint. He would serve as a huge spark for the inconsistent second unit and will free Eddie House up to just spot up and shoot. Also his ability to penetrate should take pressure off our inexperienced and undersized reserve big men Powe and Big Baby.

Call me crazy but I'm buying into Marbury's recent blog post. Here's some other excerpts from the other day:

"People who know me know I'm in the best shape of my life," Marbury wrote. ". . . Bottom line, I came to camp with the right attitude, in shape and ready to play. I didn't come to be a distraction."

"I didn't want to be a distraction for the team first and me second. I honestly came to help the team win. Real talk. I was willing to put in the work necessary to earn my starting spot and humble enough to accept coming off of the bench."

"It was unfortunate that the coach wanted to go in a different direction and didn't want me to be part of the team. I just wish it had been handled correctly from jump. I could understand the fact they didn't want Chris Duhon looking over his shoulder, but if you don't want me just pay me and let me go. I just want to play basketball."

Let's hope Steph can reach a buyout with the Knicks and that 2009 is the year Marbury proves his critics wrong helping the C's raise Banner 18! Hey, if a can of vegetables can suck its own dick why can't Marbury become a team player?